Anger. Is it okay?

Society teaches us from a very young age to suppress our feelings unless they are positive. Even then it depends on the circumstances, culture, and whether it is deemed appropriate.

Boys don’t cry, tell your teacher about the bully, don’t show sadness, control your anger. We’ve heard these and other expressions used on a regular basis reinforcing the message that it’s not okay to feel or express ourselves openly. Often we are told to “toughen up” and carry on.

On the other hand, we all know those people that are just way too emotional, children don’t report bullying out of fear that it will get worse, and so on. If you’re familiar with chakras, you may point out here that these may be signs of either a blown or blocked root chakra.

This legacy is often carried with us into adulthood along with our other baggage causing various kinds of issues. We don’t know how to deal with a narcissistic colleague, a manipulative partner, the neighbour who oversteps boundaries, or our aunt who sits and cries about her abusive spouse, you know; the one she won’t leave.

I was pleasantly surprised to come across many Pagans when I moved to my new small-town home. Like me, most are quietly open about their beliefs, but unlike me, many of them are filled with anger. Mean, nasty, violent anger that shows itself for trivial occurrences stemming from deeper origins. I see it eating at them and getting in the way of their growth. It doesn’t matter what you’re angry about, if not channelled properly, it’s detrimental to your wellbeing.

For those of us that fall somewhere under the Pagan umbrella, chances are we’re peace-loving, but we’re also human, and let’s face it, when we’re angry, we struggle to meditate or do much of anything that benefits our greater good or that of the collective.

Society generally doesn’t like to make waves and this is particularly true of South Africans. We see the writing on the wall and let it happen. Is it fear, or complacency, or are we hoping someone else will deal with it? Then we get angry. We get angry and we don’t know what to do with it.

Is it okay to get angry? Yes, undoubtedly. Without it we wouldn’t learn to place boundaries, we wouldn’t stand up for ourselves or others. Getting angry has brought about change through protest action, sanctions, and even sadly, war. It has prevented global companies from destroying our fauna and flora, it has stopped human rights violations. It has taught respect.

Each of us is capable of extreme behaviour and though we may be loath to admit it, each of us is capable of harming another. If we are taught to deal with our anger through communication, through somehow using it to be creative, or even having a place to vent (I’ve heard of companies who have “scream rooms”, or punching bags) we may be better equipped.

What works for you?