The 5-second F.A.R.T rule before letting your animal out

 

We live in a civilized society, or so we led to believe, but how easily do fly off the handle and lose our temperament at the slightest provocation from some meaningless stranger?

Few people know that of the 21,000 murders South Africa manages on average per year 75% are by people that know each other and the majority of those are spousal or intimate relationship related. Crimes of passion are an understandable dilemma where cheating and deceit or alcohol and drugs are often the spark that lights the fire.

But strangers on the road, on Social Media or in public only get a kick out of our emotional immaturity when their behaviour gets us all worked up and in a rage.

 As a supposedly enlightened community professing to be advanced by means of our wisdom and knowledge of the human condition, we would be better served to observe the 5 second FART rule. That is to say that before we react we should take 5 seconds to breathe deeply and remind ourselves of who we are, what we stand for and reconsider what we've learned in our meditation.

If we are active spiritual practitioners, then reading, contemplation and meditation should be a part of our daily schedule. Apart from the task of silencing that chattering mind, meditation also serves to offer reflection.

Reflection on how to get from where we are to where we wish to be- psychologically. As the the eightfold path of Yoga for example teachers us to move from Yama to Nirvana.

To master our EQ (emotional quotient) automatically makes us nicer people and a nicer person gets what they want a lot easier. The pen is mightier than the sword.

Like Aesop's Fable about the sun and the wind remind us. One day the sun and the wind challenge each other to remove a man's cloak. The wind went first. It began to blow and blow, Harder, stronger, but the man only clung on tighter, wrapping the cloak around himself. When it was the sun turn, it simply shone consistently upon the man until he became so hot he chose to remove the cloak himself.

We know that we attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. It's just that in the moment, this wisdom seems to fail us and we burst out in a vitriolic rage that gets us nowhere.  

It is more powerful to empower others to make choices than to force them.

To win them over to your way of thinking than to over power with authority or attempt to embarrass them and often end up embarressing ourselves instead.

The 5 second rule is self empowering since your brain is super fast in its processing. 

Just 5 seconds are enough to send your emotions to the back of the bus while you recall your highest version of yourself to the drivers seat.

This silly acronym should help to remind you of your triggers. As you realise them bubbling to the surface, act not. As you notice...

F for frustration

A for anger

R for resentment

(Means you need a)

T for time out.

Then say the opposite to what you would have said. The more ridiculous the better. 

Sun Tau in his timeless classic -The Art of War states that the most powerful strategy of warfare has and always will be-

The element of surprise.

To end with another well known almost cliché,

It's better to loose the battle and win the war.

While this works just as well in the domestic environment, it is probably best practiced on the public first.